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Dealing With Breakups After Investing a Ton of Emotional Energy

I met Laura when I was 25 years old at the beginning of my college senior year (I was a later starter). She was an incoming freshman who had just turned 18. I never thought we would have dated for over 5 years. We both fell in love with one another and we were both as happy as could be, but isn’t that how all relationships first start off? We had our share of arguments, but we also had our share of great times. I spent nearly one-fifth of my life with this amazing young woman, so why did it have to end 5 years later? I’m not going to mention the reason why we broke up because it ultimately boiled down to compatibility, something we were both unable to see in the beginning because we didn’t have the life experience and maturity to see it.

Even so, the break up was extremely difficult. People break up for different reasons. Some break ups are fairly quick and easy, while others can be excruciatingly difficult and hard. The more time you spend with someone else and the more emotional energy you invest in them and the relationship, the harder it is to let go. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to break up with someone only to find myself postponing it because I didn’t want to hurt them. That was not a good strategy because it delayed the inevitable and actually made it even harder.

When you invest your emotions on another human being you feel vulnerable. So when the break up comes it can be really hard to deal with. Some of the most difficult break ups to deal with are the ones that involve infidelity or where the other person breaks up with you and you do not want to break up. No matter who does the breaking up, here are a few things you should keep in mind:

1. Resist The Temptation To Contact The Other Person – This can be hard to do, especially if you really miss the other person. One of the fastest ways to recover from a break up is to cut off all contact with other person, even if you both agreed to remain friends (in that case you might need months to recover before you can be strong enough again to see the other person in a non-romantic way). This also includes putting away anything that reminds you of them. You might need to delete all the photos of them from your Facebook or MySpace accounts, your computer, or even your camera (or put them in a folder to be viewed much later in the future).

2. Stay Busy – Now don’t take this to extremes because you should have good balance in your life. Some people will dive head first into work and log into 12 to 15 hour days just to stay busy, which is not good for you health. What I mean by staying busy is to make sure that you’re not spending too much time alone doing nothing. If you’re just lying down on your bed or sitting somewhere you’re going to be tempted to get locked into thinking about the other person over and over again. When Laura and I broke up I focused on my work, my hobbies, and made sure I got plenty of exercise by playing tennis, basketball, and going on long bike rides with my friends.

3. Continue Living – Staying busy is a good thing, but you also want to make sure that you don’t stop living. After my most recent break up I continued going to the movies with my friends. I still went out to eat. I attended a few happy hours with my co-workers and I even went to a friend’s wedding as his best man. Break ups can be tough, but don’t use that as an excuse to stop living your life. Remember, time is one resource you can never get back, so keep on living despite how you may be feeling at the time.

4. Add Realism To Your Emotions – After my most recent break up I used a meditation technique that really helped me out. I sat on my couch, closed my eyes, and forced myself to think about my life a few months from now. Then I went a year ahead. I injected realism to my view of things by realizing that how I was feeling was going to be temporary. I also looked into the future and also understood that I would eventually meet someone else. I then pictured a close friend of mine coming to me for my advice as though he were in my situation and I listened to my own advice that I gave to him. I would do this at least once a day and it only took about 3 to 5 minutes each time. Though it did not fully take away all my pain, it did aid in giving me perspective. And that made the healing go by much, much faster.

Make No Mistake About It Network Marketing Is A Business!

How fast your network marketing business grows depends a lot on how serious you see it as a business. If you were to start a traditional business with a capital of say, US$100,000, what would you do? You would indeed invest a lot of time and effort just to get it started. Drawing on my own IT System Integration business experience, you would be looking at the issues below, just to name a few:

- business model (retail, wholesale, products or services)

- business name (brainstorm for a relevant name)

- location (do I need walk in customers?)

- sales and marketing (how do I market? through advertisements, word of mouth, exhibitions?)

- accounts (who will keep my accounts and pay salaries?)

- human resources (who to employ and how to employ?)

- expected breakeven period (when do I start making money?)

- expected profit (what profit am I expecting in the long-term?)

You would be take the business very SERIOUSLY! You would prepare to work very hard, even sacrificing your weekends and Public Holidays, for perhaps the next 1 year or even longer, before your business takes off and becomes profitable. In other words, you will OPEN SHOP everyday!

In network marketing, many people do NOT treat their business as a business.

Why do I say that?

That’s because they don’t plan like they do in a traditional business. They have no goals, no strategies, no plans!

And worst still, they don’t take action!! That means, they do NOT open shop much, definitely NOT everyday like they would in a traditional business…

Network marketing is a Word-Of-Mouth referral business. It’s been around for more than 50 years!

So, to open shop everyday in network marketing simply means to share with someone everyday, be it your family, friends, business associates, etc. However, many people, after joining a network marketing company, don’t do that. They will share only if they feel like or when they happen to come across someone who’s interested.

Thus, it boils down to one thing – they do not take their network marketing business as a real business. And no wonder, their business don’t grow fast enough…and after a few short weeks or months, they’ll proclaim that this business cannot work :-)

Why so? Frankly, I believe that there are many factors that have to do with human psychology. But one reason I can think of is that because they start with such a small sum of money like a few hundred dollars in most opportunities, they can afford to lose it and therefore do not take their business seriously.

And guess what? These same people will move on to the next great opportunity as soon as it appears on the scene! Soon, these network marketing or MLM junkies will soon ruin their own credibility and reputation in their own circle of friends and contacts. Plus, each time they move to the next opportunity which they think is their “magic” pill, they are indeed uprooting all they have planted and then planting a new seed once again.

When you treat your network marketing business seriously, your business will surely grow over time! That’s the universal law of sowing and reaping.

What Should You Look For When Selecting a Real Estate Investing Course?

When selecting a real estate investing course, you must ask yourself the following five questions:

1. Are they happy to provide contacts of past participants?
2. Are they providing the course content in advance so that you can take a look at what to expect?
3. Do they themselves develop properties?
4. Do they provide a full list and qualifications of the speakers?
5. How good is their money back guarantee?

Some Words of Caution Regarding Real Estate Investing Courses
Roses do not come without thorns. You should be aware of:

-If the organizers are trying to sell you some properties? Most of the times, the organizers will try to sell you something at a much high price above the market value.
-People attending these courses are generally defined as people with quite some cash to spare. They fall easy prey to greedy agents. I must admit that I was a victim once and overpaid $65,000 dollars for a property.
- Never trust blindly. You will have to do your due diligence to verify what they are saying is right.

Once you are aware of these facts, look for a course that suits you. Generally speaking, if you are disciplined enough, goes for a online or DVD based course. If not, go to live seminar ones. Look for an expert in real estate. Normally these courses would cost you about 2000 to 3000USD. Look for the course agenda in advance. Then look for internet forums, talk to someone who has attended this course before. Another great thing happens in these courses, it gives you a great potential for networking with like minded investors.